My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize