no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
