Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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