oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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