i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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