her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
only you would photoshop your dick
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
