theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
