4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
