Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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