Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
