Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
