We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize