I think I am morally bankrupt
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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