Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
