I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize