All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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