go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
