our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
