My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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