its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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