I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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