He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
