I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
