I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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