Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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