I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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