He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
