Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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