Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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