Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
