roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
