Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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