During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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