well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
