The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
