I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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