Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
