What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
