If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
