I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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