I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
