Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
