That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
