god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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