i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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