ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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