you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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