when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize