I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Acid is not a monday night drug
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
