i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
