Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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