epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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