At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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