I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
