Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
