so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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