i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize