They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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