I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
