It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
