we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
