You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
