new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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