my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
