just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
