Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
