Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
