D3 body, D1 cock
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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