I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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