I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
