And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
