Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
