Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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