I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
