I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
