His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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