Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
