singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
