I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
