CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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