I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
