You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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