Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
