if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize