Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
