what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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