We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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