I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize