I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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